Coca-Cola Cake...Best Cake in the World

Here it is...this cake is so wonderful. Very rich though...take it easy or you will find yourself in a sugar coma real fast.

Ingredients:
1 tsp baking soda
2 cups of sugar
3 Tbsps cocoa
1 cup buttermilk
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
2 sticks of margarine
1 cup Coke
2 eggs, beaten
2 cups mini-marshmellows.

Heat to boil the margarine and cocoa. Be careful not to scorch. In a large mixing bowl, put the flour, sugar and baking soda. Pour cocoa and butter mixture over the flour mixture. Add Coke, eggs, buttermilk and vanilla. Beat well. Mixture will be thin. Fold in the marshmellows. Bake in a greased and floured 13x9 inch pan for 30-40 minutes at 350. An Air Bake pan will take longer. While cake is baking, make the frosting.

3 Tbsps cocoa
6 Tbsps of Coke
1 tsp vanilla
4 cups of powdered sugar
Half cup margarine
1 cup chopped pecans
1 cup mini-marshmellows

In a sauce pan combine cocoa, coke, margarine, vanilla and marshmellows. Cook over very low heat stirring until marshmellows have melted. Again be careful not to scorch. Put powdered sugar in mixing bowl. Pour cooked cocoa mixture over the sugar and beat well. Add the nuts. Pour over the hot cake.

Enjoy!

The White Oprah Picks the Oscar Winners

Oscar night is a big deal around my house. My mother and I have had a tradition for years that we watch the show together, fix some yummy food and try to prove which of us knows more about the movies. This has gone on for more than 10 years. 

This year we are going to keep the menu simple. Pizza delivered, a cheese dip and my favorite cake in the whole world...Coca-Cola Cake. Yum yum. 

Our competition on our picks is fierce. We exchange our picks right before broadcast and grade each others so to eliminate cheating. We pick 11 of the categories and some tough ones so we don't end up with a tie. There must be a winner. 

So here are my picks for this year...I will post a comment after the show to let everyone know who the big winner was (duh it will be me). 

Best Picture: This have become much more difficult to pick since they started allowing 10 movies to be in the running but I am going to go with "The King's Speech."

Best Director: David Fincher for "The Social Network". 

Best Actor: No brainer. Hands down Colin Firth as the stuttering King in "The King's Speech". I would like to say though that my heart wants James Franco to win for "127 Hours". I imagine it would be very tough to act without other actors in a movie. He did an amazing job in this movie.

Best Actress: Ok, this one I feel very passionate about. If Natalie Portman doesn't win for "Black Swan" I will  stalk whoever they give it to until they admit Natalie deserved it and give it to her. Been hearing Annette Bening for "The Kids Are All Right". Yea, very tough to play a lesbian huh Annette? With that haircut of yours I thought you were one and Warren Beatty was your beard. Please! 

Best Supporting Actor: Easiest one to pick...Christian Bale in "The Fighter". 

Best Supporting Actress: This to me was the most difficult of all of them. My mind is saying Melissa Leo in "The Fighter". I think it will be given to Hailee Steinfeld for "True Grit". A very young actress that did an excellent job is going to sneak in and steal this one from Leo. 

Original Screenplay: "Inception". Whoever wrote this crazy movie deserves an award. My head is still spinning . 

Adapted Screenplay: "The Social Network" will take this one. 

Now we move on to the 3 tie-breaker categories because really who has a clue who will win any of these...

Costume Design: "Alice in Wonderland". When I look at all the other films in this category this one had the most elaborate costumes. 

Foreign Language Film: Been hearing a bunch about "Biutiful" so I will pick it. Viva Mexico! 

Original Song: Going with "If I Rise" from 127 Hours because my girl Florence Welch will be performing the song. Not sure why Dido isn't doing it but I will listen to Flo sing any day and be happy.

Well that is it. The show should be interesting this year because of Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosting.   

Those two are good at everything, I don't think this will be an exception. 

I gotta run and polish the TV screen and stock the fridge with beverages. Enjoy the show!  

You Do Not Mess With My Thin Mints

Hersha Howard went nuts when she suspected her roommate of eating her Thin Mint cookies. The 400 pound woman woke up her roommate around 1 a.m. screaming about her missing cookies. They argued for awhile and then Howard jumped on top of her roommate and began punching her in the face. 

The roommate, Jasmin Wanke, was rescued by her husband who pulled the larger woman off of his wife. That lasted about 2 minutes. Howard then grabbed a pair of scissors and chased Wanke around the apartment. She got rid of the scissors when she ran by a board laying in the apartment. Wanke got whacked several times. 

The fight moved into the kitchen where Howard pushed Wanke around with her big body and then bit the woman's breast and hit her in the head several times. Again the husband got them separated and somehow restrained Howard until the police arrived. 

I have to side with Howard on this one. Those cookies are only available once a year and a box is $4 these days. They are like a rare gemstone...very precious. I had a craving so bad one summer I tried to break into the Girl Scout headquarters in New York City, only to find out the cookies are produced by ABC Bakers in 4 different factories around the US. I probably should have done a little research before breaking in. I did manage to get every Brownie badge known to man. Sold them to the girls on the block and paid for my trip to NY. 

I sympathize with Hersha so much that I am shipping my last box of Thin Mint cookies to her jail cell in Naples, FL. I got your back girl! 

White Oprah Endorses...Hydroxatone

I know all the guys are quickly clicking off my blog right now trying to hustle over to ESPN.com. Slow your roll boys. This info just might get you in good with the wifey or girlfriend.

I had heard good things about this product. I rarely wear makeup and made the rationalization that maybe I should spend some money on taking care of my skin since I don't spend much on makeup. I can rationalize the crap out reasons I need to spend money.

Anywho, I went to skinstore.com and they had a price tag on this little jar of $80. Ouch. So I went to my most beloved website of all time...Ebay.com and found myself a jar for $50 and free shipping.

This product is to be used in the morning and at night but I am lucky if I remember to put it on at night. I have been putting this on my face for around two weeks now and I just cannot believe the difference in my skin. It is so soft and smooth. I love this stuff! I wonder what my face would be like if I actually put it on twice a day. I am sure my face would be so hot they would put me on the cover of "Vogue".

The White Oprah totally endorses this product. Hydroxatone, if you see your sales go up this month feel free to ship a case of this stuff to my house.

Smart Phone Conformist

I have decided to conform. I broke down and got a smart phone. For the past 3 years, I have been provided a cell phone by the company I work for so I could be on call. I have changed positions and turned the phone in for the person that took my spot. I was glad to be rid of that phone for many reasons…hated being on call first and foremost and it was a very basic phone. They had even cut off our option to receive and send pictures on it.

After some research I went to Best Buy and got a HTC Droid Incredible. I have never been a real big fan of Apple so I wanted an Android phone.  The phone is great. I think my favorite feature by far is the talk to text feature. I push a microphone button and can speak my text messages instead of taking all the time to type it out. Brilliant!

A month into using this phone I think I may have made a huge mistake. Between shopping for new apps, playing Angry Birds and Words With Friends, I get absolutely nothing done.

Angry Birds is much better on my PS3 but the phone version will do in a pinch. If you have not seen this game yet you must go download it. I am not sure why I am so fascinated with squashing the pigs but I am. After you have failed all your attempts and they gloat by flashing their big teeth at you…oh it just pushes my buttons and I must play another 7 hours to make them pay.

Words With Friends has only been available to Android for a few days. I have been playing non-stop since it came out.  It is basically an online version of Scrabble that you can play with friends. I am horrible at it, but love the challenge so I keep playing.

If you have a smart phone you might want to check out those games. But play at your own risk. I cannot be held responsible if you lose your job and your life is ruined from playing Angry Birds.

The White Oprah Would Like To Know...



I have been running The White Oprah for 2 months now. I would just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that has stopped by to read it. I am having a great time creating stories that I think you will like.

So what would you all like to see more of? Funny pictures or videos? More interviews? Recipes? Cool websites? Just curious what makes you come back the most.

Leave some comments or you can email me directly at chaninbiss@yahoo.com.

Thanks!

"Go Ahead, Make My Day"



A man in Latvia was shot to death for eating his popcorn too loudly during a showing of “The Black Swan”.  A 27 year old man was arrested for the shooting, which occurred as the credits were rolling.

I have been irritated by people in the movies before, but never for the way they ate their popcorn. I can only imagine how loud it must have been to enrage a man enough to start shooting.  Surely there were a few other options instead of shooting him.

A.       He could have snuck up behind him and put him in a UFC choke hold.  Just put him to sleep for the rest of the movie. 

B.      He could have moved a few rows away from the man so it would not be so loud.

C.      He could have stolen the man’s popcorn and dumped it in the trash.

Movie courtesy is something that has gotten more and more lax over the years. Cell phones users are the majority of the problem. The phone will either ring during the movie or they will text, which lights up the phone about as bright as a flashlight. People will get up and down 20 times and cross in front of you without consideration. It makes me wonder if they have irritable bowel issues or incontinence. 

This past weekend I experienced probably the most irritation I have ever had during a movie. I took my niece to see, “Never Say Never” the Justin Bieber movie. A group of teens came in 30 minutes into the movie which was a distraction in itself. I knew I was in trouble when two of them plopped down right beside me. They squealed when Justin was shirtless in the movie. They were reaching out trying to touch the 3D images that were popping from the screen.  I cannot tell you how many times I thought of pulling my gum out of my mouth and putting it in her hair. By far the most annoying thing she did was sing every single word to every single song during the movie. Yes, even the rapping parts.

“When I was 13 I had my first love there was nobody that compared to my baby and nobody came between us, no-one could ever come above.” She was no Ludacris.

 It was at that point I seriously began to have thoughts of kidnapping her and selling her on Ebay. Probably wouldn’t have gotten much for her.  

So the next movie you go to see, make sure you eat quietly, keep your cell phone off and sit your butt in the chair through the whole movie. You never know who might be packing that night.

My Interview With Michael Vick



Me:  Talk show hosts making wagers over getting you on their shows. What made you cancel the Oprah Show and come here?

Vick: White Oprah is where it’s at right now.

Me: Sucking up will usually get you everywhere with me, but not in your case Mister. How was prison?

Vick: It changed my life, made me a better man. I finally got a perspective on my life that I never had before.

Me: Uh huh. So you get out and off to the Eagles you go. What was it like to be playing in the NFL again?

Vick: Playing football is where I am supposed to be. Kolb getting hurt was a real blessing.

Me: Um, a blessing for you but a disaster for him since you stole his job. Too bad you can’t go to prison for that too.

I have to admit dog killer, that I loved watching you play football. I still love to watch you play, but it is different now… you are tainted. Your talent amazes me and I love to watch, but at the same time I want you to fail miserably.  

Vick: Woprah, I have paid for my crime. I went to prison, I lost everything I had and I give to charities.

Me: Mr Vick, you have not come close to paying for this crime. You took innocent animals and made them fight all for a few bucks, which you really didn’t need.  I do know that you will truly pay for this crime eventually. Ok, well I feel better, how about you?

Vick: Not really. I gotta get out of here…going to a birthday party for one of my cousins. Want me to sign some stuff before I go? Jersey? Photos?  I could make it out : “To Woprah I chose you over Oprah, Love Mikey” and you could post it on your website.

Me:  Hell no. Get out of here before I sic my dog on your ass.

"I Get Her Office Chair!"

KTLA has reported that a woman died in her cubicle at work and was not found for at least a full day.

The last time anyone saw her alive was around 9a.m. on Friday and she was discovered slumped over her desk on Saturday afternoon by a security guard that was passing through.

I would think out of all of the ways to die this just might be ranked in my top 10 least favorite ways to die. It would have to be right up there with being fed into a wood chipper while alive and burning up in a house fire.

I can only imagine being at the L.A. County Department of Internal Services the Monday after she was found. It probably still smelled a little and someone is very crabby they have to take on her work.

I know in our office when someone is laid off or quits we love to fight over their office supplies and other things they may have left behind. The main thing we fight over are the wireless headsets. Nothing like being able to talk to someone while you are urinating in the bathroom.

I imagine if this were ever to happen to me they will be fighting over my silver file thingie mabob that I have on my desk. It is very modern looking and the best thing I have since I no longer have a headset.

Investigators are not sure of the cause of 51 year old Rebecca Wells' death. They did say they do not suspect foul play was involved. I am pretty sure I have cracked this case wide open. All I had to do was to read she was a longtime compliance auditor. She died of having the most boring job in the world. Case closed.

Valentine's Day: Most Hated Holiday By Men

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I wasn't going to post anything today but I saw something on the Facebook wall of our work account. A truck driver had posted that Valentine's Day should serve as a reminder that we need to behave this way most of the year instead of just this one day.

That is a good point. I feel like most men feel really pressured on Valentine's Day (just check out the photo).  On this day they must be romantic. The more romantic they are the more points they get from the wife/girlfriend/mistress/boyfriend. But let's face facts ladies, men don't like doing this. They do not like trying to figure out what piece of jewelry it will take to stay out of your dog house for at least the next 2 months. They do not like cooking you dinner. They do not like sending flowers. If you are lucky they will at least grab some half-dead roses on the way home from work and grunt at you a couple of times during the seven course meal you prepared for him. Their brains do not work like ours. We love to plan and surprise them. Guys are lucky to remember the date of Valentine's Day.

I think Mr. Truck Driver was right. There is way too much put on just this one day of the year. Guys, start doing things like making the bed in the mornings, take the trash out without being told, cook dinner occasionally (even if it is just a frozen pizza) and take the kids to school every once in awhile. I promise you she will be far less disappointed when Valentine's rolls around and you have only managed to come up with a cheap box of Russell Stover's cream filled chocolates. It's the little things that make ladies tick. Trust me, I am The White Oprah.

Grammy Awards Tonight...Brings Back Some Memories

Every year for as long as I can remember I would watch the Grammy Awards. I have always loved music and always had my favorites that I would hope would win. I often dreamed of attending one day and that actually happened on February 23rd, 2003.

I had a friend that won a trip to NYC for the show. I was asked to be her guest. I think I must have called everyone I had ever known to tell them the exciting news. Flights, hotel, transportation to and from the show and an after party. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

So from watching the show on TV all these years I thought I needed to dress up. Big mistake. We were seated in the rafters of Madison Square Garden. Not exactly the seats I had hoped for but I was at the freaking Grammy Awards! Norah Jones cleaned up that night with Record of the Year, Album of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Pop Female and Best Pop Vocal. But the best part of the whole night was some of the talent I got to see perform...Simon &Garfunkel opened the show in the middle of the arena. They had not spoken to each other in years. Amazing way to start the show. I saw Eminem, No Doubt, The Dixie Chicks, John Mayer, James Taylor, Bruce Springsteen and Coldplay perform live. There were many other performers...I think Nelly was the one I was freaking out about because he had some serious pyro effects...you could feel the heat from them all the way up in the rafters.

After the show was over we had to find our bus to take us to the after party. NYC in February is seriously cold. I had heels on and my feet were killing me. We get into the after party and started eating and drinking. All of this was free. There was not one single famous person in the room but we met lots of interesting people and had a good time.

It is a memory I will never forget...like a dream come true...bucket list kind of thing. The picture above is of me in Times Square. Can you tell I was just a tad bit excited?

This year's awards will be memorable I am sure...I have heard Lady Gaga has already arrived in an egg. Yes, an egg. Barbara Streisand will be receiving an award tonight, Rihanna will attend for the 1st time since Chris Brown beat her in the limo, Bob Dylan will perform and Mick Jagger will actually be in attendance and perform.

So get your pj's on, grab some popcorn and get ready for a great show!

The 5-Hour Energy Experience

I had seen the commercials on TV. The football star, the busy housewife and the guy at the gym. 5-hour energy (4 calories, no crash and the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee).  My curiosity got the best of me so I bought a couple of bottles. My thinking for buying two and then drinking two was I am bigger than the average person so one probably won’t even get me off the couch.

As I downed the first bottle there were all sorts of thoughts running through my head…would this change me forever? Would I be come an addict? Would I be stationed in front of Wal-Mart with a sign begging for money so I could go get my $2.99 fix? Too late now…I sat still for about 30 minutes waiting for it to kick in. Nothing. I head to the kitchen and down bottle number 2. The stuff tasted like cough medicine but if I can get my house spotless then I could suffer through the nasty taste. I certainly had had worst tasting stuff in my mouth before this.

The first thing I noticed were my hands shaking. It became less noticeable as I cleaned out the shower. On my way to cleaning out the refrigerator I noticed my heart racing extremely fast. So fast I thought it might just explode. I had that fridge done top to bottom in 15 minutes! This stuff is for real.

After the fridge, I had this huge desire to take up basket weaving or maybe origami. I needed to be doing something right now. As I was loading up in the car to head out to Hobby Lobby for some reed to start weaving my baskets, it hit me. I barely made it to the bathroom in time. While doing my business I began to notice things, my hands felt like they were on fire, my heart was going even faster than before, I was compulsively counting the number of popcorns that were sticking out from the ceiling. Who came up with the idea for popcorn ceilings?? That is what I will do next I thought…scrape all the ceilings in the house to get rid of the popcorn.

After washing my hands I realized things were getting black in the room and I felt horribly hot and dizzy. I thought I should rest for a bit and then get on scraping those ceilings. When I came to I was wearing a swimsuit and my winter gloves. The bed was completely wet and my face was lying in a pool of drool. I did not want to try to figure out exactly why the bed was wet so I jumped up. My head had such pressure in it I thought it was going to blow up.

Not again. Yes, another trip back to the bathroom. “Oh my God, I have drunk from the vial of death!” I thought. Now I know what the little man on the bottle is running from…the grim reaper.

No one will be looking for me until Monday and the last thing I wanted was to be found dead in this swimsuit. I began digging around in my closet for something to put on when I had to dash to the bathroom again. I began to pray, “Dear God, please do not let me die on the toilet like Elvis. I swear to you I will never take anything like this again and the minute I can stop going to the bathroom I will go donate 20% of my income to the church (nothing like trying to bribe God) Amen.”

The hours went by and I started feeling better. This stuff is only supposed to last for 5 hours but it is now 10pm and I am not the least bit tired. I would love to go finish the ceilings but I am scared that any sudden movement will start up the explosive diarrhea again. So here I sit at the computer blogging about my experience today.

People listen to me. The White Oprah does not approve of 5-Hour Energy drinks. Maybe if you need to lose 20 pounds before a wedding to fit in a dress, but other than that I do not approve of this product. If you need energy take some vitamins, get more sleep and exercise. Your toilet will thank you. 

Writing Assignment: "Two Feet and Rising"



This assignment is kind of complicated. I had to locate a story in our local newspaper. I had to take that story and make it into a piece of fiction that is 500 words or less. Go back and cut it down to 300 words or less. If the story was longer than 500 words I had to write a synopsis of the rest of the story.

I used a new method she taught us called, "The Bubble Method". Basically the newspaper story is the middle bubble and then I had to have 10 branches coming from that bubble with different things that have to do with the original bubble. I know right???

Example: My story was a woman was stuck at her job for 2 days because of the blizzard. That is the big bubble. Then things like no food, no beds and annoying co-workers came into play. The method is to help us organize our thoughts. So, here is what I just turned in.

Yes, I had seen the blizzard warning and went to work anyway.

Four of us made it in that day and all of us were stuck there for three days. Some tried to make their escape but only got their cars stuck on the parking lot. The snow plows raced past our driveway leaving behind something that looked like Mt. Everest. Not only could we not get out but also no one would be able to get in.

By that evening the one vending machine in the building was depleted. A dinner of pork rinds or barbeque flavored “Corn Nuts”. I wondered which person I would carve up for tomorrow’s meals if it came to that. The majority of the people I was stuck with were extremely annoying, and possibly high in protein.

When our workday had ended we went in search of entertainment. Not one TV or a deck of cards in the building. We actually had to talk to each other. We pulled a bunch of office chairs into the middle of the room and chatted about the weather reports from various family members.

“My husband says we won’t be getting out of this place for a week”, said Nancy.

Nancy’s family had been calling her cell phone about every fifteen minutes all day long. I silently prayed to God it would soon run out of juice and she had forgotten to bring a charger.

“Wow, what will we do if we are stuck here that long? How will we bathe and what will we eat?” asked Crystal.

Crystal was a little overly obsessed with her appearance. In the eight hours we had been working, I watched her tweeze random hairs from under her chin and re-apply her makeup at least ten times.

Synopsis: The aggravation with the co-workers gets worse as the hours pass. The group pilfers through all the desks to find a little more food that has to be rationed. Late in the afternoon of the 2^ndday, a stranger enters the building to add to the madness. The afternoon of day three, a co-worker’s husband is able to get his four-wheel drive vehicle onto the parking lot to take everyone home. 

How Far Would You Run For A Doughnut

Last Saturday, roughly 7500 people participated in an interesting race. Run two miles, eat one dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts and then run back. You must finish the race in under an hour and you cannot regurgitate. The Krispy Kreme challenge takes place in Raleigh, NC and raises money for the North Carolina Children's Hospital.

This made me think...I really like doughnuts, but would I run 4 miles for a dozen?? I think not. The furthest I have gone by foot for doughnuts was in Las Vegas. I had to go out there for work a couple of years ago and my friend Cindy went with me because she had never had the pleasure of visiting Las Vegas.

There is a restaurant in The Bellagio called "Fix". We were looking for interesting places to eat before we went and once we saw their banana doughnuts with chocolate and peanut butter dipping sauces we were sold! We were staying at Treasure Island and took a cab to the Bellagio but I think they dropped us off at a service entrance because we walked all over that casino looking for this restaurant. I estimate we walked at least 5 miles. Here is the real kicker...we were too full from dinner to even order the stupid doughnuts. Look at these things...why oh why did we pass this up?

I think this is as far as I would ever be willing to go on foot for a doughnut. I learned a lesson from this. Always and I mean always...eat dessert first.

Don't Let The Super Bowl Sack You

The White Oprah is here to help get you through Super Bowl Sunday. You may not know this but it is a very dangerous day. It is a day of massive consumption and that alone can be unhealthy. The combination of junk food and alcohol can lead to numerous stomach and irritable bowel issues. The last thing you need is to be blowing up the bathroom of your host. But just in case, carry a small box of matches with you. After you destroy their bathroom, light up a match and get the stink out. Hustle back out to the crowd and loudly say, "Man somebody did a number in there. I almost had to go outside it was so bad." Then blame several of your friends to get the suspicion off of you. Problem solved.

There has been some medical research released lately suggesting that the Super Bowl can lead to heart attacks. There is the excitement during the game and then if your team loses, it can cause emotional stress. So here is my solution...take about 20 aspirin before the game. That should thin the blood enough to squeak through those clogged arteries and keep you alive long enough to see your team hoist the Lombardi trophy in the air. If you team loses, well 20 aspirin might not be enough. Your team losing the Super Bowl has been compared to the same grief of losing a loved one. I feel your pain.

Now we all know the Super Bowl commercials are one of the best parts of the Super Bowl (especially if you are a female). I am here to warn you though...holding your bladder through the whole Super Bowl so you don't miss a minute is not a good idea. I tried that once and had to be rushed to the hospital to have a catheter put in just so I could go. A condition Dr. Satan called, "urinary retention" which basically means your bladder gets so full that the muscles aren't strong enough to generate a urine stream. I am pretty sure it would have been ok to run to the bathroom during one of the Go Daddy.com commercials. This year I have just cut a hole in the living room floor. Problem solved.

I have seen many other Super Bowl party tragedies. Broken teeth from opening a beer bottle, broken hands from punching walls and the fairly common food poisoning, because your host is too stupid to realize her dip with mayonnaise cannot be left out for 14 hours without being refrigerated.

Enjoy the game tomorrow. Be careful out there...the quarterbacks aren't the only ones that will be sacked on Super Bowl Sunday.

My Interview With Oprah

Me: Well hello real Oprah. Thank you for allowing me to interview you. I know this must be difficult for you since I am the better Oprah.

Op: Better Oprah? I don’t even know who you are. How can you be better?

Me: I am sorry, I meant the less annoying Oprah. Better was not a great choice of words. I got most of my vocabulary skills from reading the lousy books from your book club. What do you expect?

Op: My book club is amazing. I have taken many unknown authors and made them rich.

Me: Whatever. Ok let’s get on with this. You discovered a half sister back in October or something? But you did not break the news until months later when your ratings were sagging after your Australia trip. Any comments on that?

Crabby Op: My ratings never sag. I am THE OPRAH! *eyeballs and veins popping out of her head. Very scary for me.*

Me: I see. Well, you know I talked to Gayle and she is not very happy at all about this long lost sister business. I would not be surprised at all if you were to find a dart board in her office with Patricia’s face as the target. Just saying you might wanna get your little woman under control…maybe some counseling would help. Hook her up with Dr.Phil. That would do the trick.

Op: First of all, Gayle is not my little woman. 2^nd of all, Dr. Phil is a lunatic. I would not do that to my best friend.

Me: I am just getting the feeling that you are threatened by me. My blog has just taken off. I am up to 4 followers now. Uh huh. Can you feel the pressure?

Devil Op: You are a nobody. If you happen to become a somebody, I will have you squished like a cockroach.

Me: Okey dokey…wow I have had a wonderful evening. Oprah, have you had a wonderful evening?

Just plain mean Op: I have had a wonderful evening, but this was not one of them.

Super Snack for Super Bowl

These things are so yummy. I think I have had 3 boxes in the 2 days I have been stuck here at home. As I was munching on some this evening I thought I should share with you how good these are so that you can load up for the Super Bowl.

Let me just tell you to go ahead and get 2 boxes because 1 will not be enough. You can thank me later. They also have a sea salt and olive oil cracker but I can't stop eating these long enough to try a box.

If you can't find them at your store it is probably because I bought every box already. Sorry!

Another Writing Assignment

Well this one was very difficult for me. Something that seems so simple to put into words is not. Assignment...pick a color...you are the color, write from your point of view and describe yourself...So here it is...

You will find me on a few college campuses. I am in the band, on the field and in the stadium. As you walk to the big game, you step on the maple leaves of my color, crunching them under the soles of your shoes. People you pass speak to you, “Roll Tide” and “Boomer Sooner”. I am the violence and bloodshed on the field that day. I am Crimson Red.

I am the lipstick color your wife chooses to wear on your date night. The color of the rose you give her as you get into the car. After several glasses of Chianti, you will relax and remember all the reasons you fell in love with each other. I am Crimson Red.

All of Hollywood’s leading ladies love to wear me. I am vivid and sensual. I can set off your eyes like no other color. I envelop the ladies with my warm velvet skin. I am Crimson Red.

I have my own song. You may have heard it, “Crimson and Clover.” That’s right…“over and over”. Thank you Tommy James. I am Crimson Red.

My taste is something like a spiced apple ring. I have the sting of a “Red Hot” and the sweetness of the apple. I tickle your tongue and leave you wanting more.

I am Crimson Red.

White Oprah Approved...Winter Wipeout

Ok, in all honesty, four weeks ago was the very first time I had watched any of the "Wipeout" programs. I felt I was, well far too intelligent to watch such a stupid program. I hate more than anything to admit I am wrong, but I was wrong about the show.

This show is so funny that it is actually painful for me to watch it. Generally the pain starts when some dweeb gets bent up like a pretzel. Their pain thrills me. Then add someone getting so close to the finish just to go sliding off a slick platform. I start laughing, then snorting, then coughing and occasionally I laugh so hard I fart a little. My laugh then gets out of control, which sounds a little like a hyena giving birth. It is not a pretty sight therefore I must watch completely alone.

The hosts, John Anderson and John Henson make the show even funnier with their commentary. Then there are the contestants. I have no idea where they get some of these people. One guy last week was mumbling about being the only human on the show??? Ok whatever crazy person.

If laughter is the best medicine, then Wipeout is like a giant dose of Amoxicillin. It will fix you up in no time. Check it out on ABC, Thursday nights at 7 central.