My Interview With Oprah

Me: Well hello real Oprah. Thank you for allowing me to interview you. I know this must be difficult for you since I am the better Oprah.

Op: Better Oprah? I don’t even know who you are. How can you be better?

Me: I am sorry, I meant the less annoying Oprah. Better was not a great choice of words. I got most of my vocabulary skills from reading the lousy books from your book club. What do you expect?

Op: My book club is amazing. I have taken many unknown authors and made them rich.

Me: Whatever. Ok let’s get on with this. You discovered a half sister back in October or something? But you did not break the news until months later when your ratings were sagging after your Australia trip. Any comments on that?

Crabby Op: My ratings never sag. I am THE OPRAH! *eyeballs and veins popping out of her head. Very scary for me.*

Me: I see. Well, you know I talked to Gayle and she is not very happy at all about this long lost sister business. I would not be surprised at all if you were to find a dart board in her office with Patricia’s face as the target. Just saying you might wanna get your little woman under control…maybe some counseling would help. Hook her up with Dr.Phil. That would do the trick.

Op: First of all, Gayle is not my little woman. 2^nd of all, Dr. Phil is a lunatic. I would not do that to my best friend.

Me: I am just getting the feeling that you are threatened by me. My blog has just taken off. I am up to 4 followers now. Uh huh. Can you feel the pressure?

Devil Op: You are a nobody. If you happen to become a somebody, I will have you squished like a cockroach.

Me: Okey dokey…wow I have had a wonderful evening. Oprah, have you had a wonderful evening?

Just plain mean Op: I have had a wonderful evening, but this was not one of them.