This Is The End Of White Oprah

I have had a blast with White Oprah but it is time to move on. I really appreciate everyone that came here and read my blogs for the last 4 months.
Just started another blog if you are interested. You can find me here...
1happypill.com

Thanks again!

Ready For This To Be Over

The mother called.

"Can you take off work tomorrow to watch the Royal Wedding with me?"

"Are you freaking serious?" I ask.

"Well yes. Your grandmother and I have watched the majority of the Royal functions since I was a child. I thought it would be nice since she is gone now that we start a new tradition and you watch it with me."

Ok so I feel a little bad but there is no way I am watching this crap. Not to mention getting my big butt out of bed at 3am. That is what a DVR is for. What is wrong with people?

"Mom, you know...you have two daughters and I really feel that the other one would enjoy that far more than I would. Give her a call and ask her."

Oh my sister is going to stab me.

"You know, that is a good idea. I will call her in a little while."

"Thanks for the offer though Mom!"

Man, that was a close one.

Oh No You Didn't!

I love Walgreens. It is probably my 2nd favorite store in the whole world (Best Buy= #1). I was in Walgreens this morning as a matter of fact. I had a bit of a personal issue that was in need of some attention. Louie, the store manager, helped me find the ointment I needed and even put rubber gloves on to handle my ointment after I brought it to the counter. What service!

So when you mess with Walgreens, you are messing with Woprah. You don't wanna mess with Woprah.

See photo above. This lunatic got mad because they would not give him his meds, because he is stupid and brought in the wrong paperwork. So Mr. Man decides to whiz on the cough drop section. This was noticed after the man had left the store and a clerk walked by thinking she smelled urine. Quick check of the security tape and the crime is confirmed. It is estimated the man ruined $300 worth of cough drops.

So I am hereby issuing a Woprah warrant for this retard's arrest. Well, you don't really have to arrest him, just knock him down and hold him until I can get there. I will take care of the rest.

Woprah Reviews "Water for Elephants"

I read Sara Gruen's novel a few weeks before seeing this movie. I know it is generally always true that the book is better than the movie, but I had hoped that bringing the circus to life on the big screen would make the movie so spectacular that I would forget all about the book. No such luck.

Rob Pattinson basically plays Edward Cullen with a few changes...shorter hair, eyes are not gold and instead of feeding on animals, he takes care of them. I would also giggle every time someone called him "Jacob" in the movie. For all the members of "Team Jacob" out there, I am sure that must be pretty weird.

Reese Witherspoon is a beauty and did a pretty good job as "Marlena". I think the problem with this movie is there seemed to be very little chemistry between her and Pattinson. I read earlier in the week that Pattinson had a cold while filming their love scene and Reese was pretty grossed out by it. "He was literally snorting and snotting through every second of it--and it was not appealing. I'm talking green, infectious, disgusting -- I'm not kidding! ... I'm going to say it's a little bit of a downer. I was a little disappointed. It wasn't sexy."
I should not have read that before going to see the movie because all I could think about was green snot during their love scene. Thanks Reese!

Christopher Waltz is by far the best actor in the movie aside from the elephant. They decided to drop the "Uncle Al" character and make "August" the owner of the circus for the movie. I hated "August" in the book and I hated him even more in the movie. Waltz really was the perfect "August". Charming and handsome in one scene and a raging elephant beating lunatic in the next.

The movie got far more interesting when "Rosie" hit the screen. She is a sweet, funny and gentle giant. When August beats her it is horrible to watch and hear. It makes you want to rush on set, steal her and try to hide her in your garage to protect her from all things evil.

Overall the movie is ok. If you don't want to spend the money it takes to get into a movie, don't. Just wait for it on dvd. I give the movie a C+.

From A-Z All About Me

Giving credit where credit is due...I stole this from "Mean Girl Garage" (in my blog roll if you would like to read hers), who stole it from someone, who stole it from someone else. But of course, all the answers are original. 

I am sure most of you lie awake in your bed at night thinking of me. "Who is this White Oprah person? What is she like? She seems pretty cool but I would like to know more." 

Well wonder no more. A-Z all about me.  Enjoy. I am open to questions after, if this didn't take care of all you wonder about. 

A. Age: 39...streaking towards 40 at the speed of light. 

B. Bed size: Queen of course.

C. Chore you dislike: Cleaning bathrooms and mopping floors. But thinking about this further, there really aren't any chores I like. I prefer laying on the couch, in my pajamas, eating M&Ms. 

D. Dogs: #1 Poncho-outside dog. My mother ran him over. She swears she didn't but she hated that dog for jumping all over us on the way to get in the car for school. When they told me he was hit by a car, at age 7, I pointed a finger at my mom and sob-screamed, "You did it! Dog killer!" Then I called my grandparents to tell them what a horrible daughter they had raised so they sent me...Fluffy. 

#2 Fluffy-mini poodle- Would not have been my first choice for a dog but she made all the work she was worthwhile by having the shits all the time and wiping her ass on my mother's white walls. Needless to say she was given away to some crazy people that would paint her toenails and send me pictures. 

#3 Bogey-I am now 18 years old. Had to move out of the house in order to ever have another pet again. I picked her out as a tiny puppy and she was with me for 15 wonderful years. She went to doggy heaven July of 2005. 

#4 Precious-Found her on the side of the road. Took her in and she was Bogey's sister. She lasted for 17 years. She met Bogey in doggy heaven in June of 2007.

I want no more animals until I get old. 

E. Essential start to your day: Checking email and taking the 20 pills that get me through the day. 

F. Favorite color: Don't really have one. If you put a gun to my head I suppose I would say yellow. 

G. Gold or silver: Silver. 

H. Height: 5’6

I. Instruments you play(ED): Drums and a little guitar. 

J. Job title: Made up my own title at work...Senior Sales Representative. Sounds much better than the Customer Service Whore on my business cards. 

K. Kids: Hell no. 

L. Live: Not sure what this means. Yes, I am alive? I live for now?

M. Mom’s name: Carlissa (funny way to say her name) or Mom. Never Mama. I hate that. Grosses me out for some reason. 

N. Nicknames: Chan, Diddy, Aunt Nan, C-diddy and Woprah. 

O. Overnight hospital stays: Two. Tonsillectomy at 26. Had to stay overnight due to "excessive bleeding". Then at 27 or 28 for being crippled up with compartment syndrome issues. 

P. Pet peeves: Liars, cheaters and people that eat their finger and toenails or their boogers. 

Q. Quote from a movie: Ok, I am a movie freak. I cannot have just one.

 "Say hello to my little friend" from Scarface

"May the force be with you." Star Wars

"You talkin' to me?" Taxi Driver

"I'll have what she is having." When Harry Met Sally

R. Righty or Lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: One sister, 5 years younger than me. 

T. Time you wake up: 6:25am Mon-Friday. 7:30am on Saturday and sleep as long as possible on Sunday. 

U. Underwear: Never go without them. I am know you are relieved to hear that. 

V. Vegetables you don’t like: Cauliflower. Makes me gassy. 

W. What makes you run late: I am NEVER late. Late people annoy me. Add that to "P" up there.

X. X-rays you’ve had: Too many to count. In grade school, I tried to break my arm on purpose so I could have a cast and have everyone at school sign it. I would cry and carry it around with my other arm until the mom would take me to the hospital. 

Besides those, I had broken collarbone, broken foot and chest x-ray for whatever funga munga I caught 2 years ago that made me cough for 4 months straight. 

Y. Yummy food you make: Everything I make is amazing but probably cheesecakes, sloppy joes, fried potatoes and mashed potatoes. I am good with a potato. 

Z. Zoo Animal Favorites: Lions, bears, snakes, crocs and elephants. 

Someone is Taking This Dancing Show a Little Too Seriously

My mother just called. Apparently Petra Nemcova was just kicked off "Dancing With the Stars".

I said, "Yea, duh she sucked."

This apparently made the mother a wee bit crabby. She says to me, "What? She was very sweet."

My retort..."Being sweet doesn't mean you can dance. Look at me...I am sweet and I cannot dance a lick nor would I ever expect to win a dancing contest for my sweetness."

And she says, "You're not sweet!"

Click.

Uh huh. Ok, where did I put the number for my shrink????

Hines Can Shake His Bon-Bon

I am having just one of those days. You know, nothing in particular wrong...just wish I could have stayed in bed all day watching Lifetime movies and eating Cheetos.

Then it hit me. Today is Monday. I will get to watch Hines Ward dance on "Dancing with the Stars". Yipppeeeee! My whole outlook has improved drastically. I went from wanting to sell all my worldly possessions and moving into a convent to wanting to max out my Best Buy card buying video games and cds. Ahhh back to the old me.

Watching Hines dance makes me smile. Plain and simple. So stop watching whatever weird sex show is on the OWN network and switch over to ABC tonight. I think it will bring a smile to your face too.